Back in the day, it seemed like everyone had a 1-900 number. I am so fascinated by watching these old commercials.
In case you have no idea what I am talking about let me clue you in: For anywhere from ninety-nine cents to a few dollars a minute you could pay to hear a recorded message from actors like Corey Haim to characters like Freddy Kruger. Musicians got into the mix too. Guys like MC Hammer, NWA, J.J. Fad, The New Kids on the Block… The list goes on and on.
One of my friends in middle school called a number once. I still remember the number it was 1-900-We-Fuck-2. We had no idea what we were getting into to say the least. It was recorded story, almost like Penthouse Forum stuff. We racked up a ton of charges and his parents kicked his ass up and down the block for that. I only called one of those numbers one time in my childhood. It was a direct line to Santa Claus. I was so scared of the charges though so I hung up quick.
A few weeks ago I went on a binge and watched a ton of these commercials, Here are a collection of hilarious 1-900 commercials from back in the day that made me laugh.
First up, we have Captain Lou Albano talking to us from Wrestling Central. What a mad man. I love the insanity of the multiple ringing phones in the background. he did a slew of these.
What parent wouldn’t want their child call a child molester/murderer to hear dead time stories from non other than Freddy Krueger.
Bobby Brown is about to spill the beans on his inner thoughts, feelings, intimate touring stories and whatever other nonsense he can blab about while charging you by the minute. I’m intrigued. He has been waiting patiently too so be sure to call the guy! Don’t be cruel. I love the girls screaming the whole commercial.
I can have dinner with Brian Bosworth? I wonder who actually won this! Stone Cold is such a badass movie. God forgives, brotherhood doesn’t!
Netflix has a series based on the Gals of GLOW. It’s pretty badass. Here is there hustle for money!
I would call this number right now. I have no idea what the fuck the Creep phone is going to tell me, but this commercial rules. apparently you can become a Creep phone star by leaving your own message. I would love to hear a tape of these recordings random kids made. It has to be unbelievable.
Cory Haim is going to give you his personal number. Listen to the mess of call this number and get that number. WTF.
Who in their right mind would call this number? I can’t believe the Cry Hotline is real. This is bannanas.
There is so much coccaine infused in the Dr. Feelgood Motley Crue 900 number, a whole generation of children became addicts.
The 666 Santa in the scariest Christmas Commercial ever. If I saw this on tv as a little kid I would be deathly afraid of that fat bastard.
